his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
