So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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