dude i'm inner monologue high
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
