I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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