hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
