Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
