While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
