I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
