On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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