it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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