people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
