how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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