Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
