What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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