If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just high enough for therapy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
