Having a random hookup so left but love u
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
