Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
