the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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