could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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