Kiss
Puke
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
