the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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