where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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