My cat gives me a boner
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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