You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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