I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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