So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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