i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
