First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
