At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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