haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize