Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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