Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
