WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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