yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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