I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
