i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
