So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
