Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
