I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
