i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
