Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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