I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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