saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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