he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
