I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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