Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
