I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut