Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.