Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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