Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20613) Bad night (2362)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant

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  (705): dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant http://tfl.nu/i402
  Replies (25) Good night (1236) Bad night (10772)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.

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  (401): I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs. http://tfl.nu/di07
  Replies (8) Good night (3620) Bad night (1422)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again

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  (678): Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again http://tfl.nu/8daz
  Replies (14) Good night (2966) Bad night (2044)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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  (302): I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress http://tfl.nu/yb5l
  Replies (16) Good night (5627) Bad night (1036)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.

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  (210): If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever. http://tfl.nu/5js7
  Replies (8) Good night (4205) Bad night (890)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.

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  (817): I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar. http://tfl.nu/kkdj
  Replies (6) Good night (784) Bad night (1028)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?

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  (410): How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad? http://tfl.nu/jjfi
  Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (1650)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Did you reintroduce yourself?

  (407): View more from Florida

  He threatened to call the cops.

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  (407): When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house. (301): Did you reintroduce yourself? (407): He threatened to call the cops. http://tfl.nu/0bcc
  Replies (8) Good night (722) Bad night (1998)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog

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  (440): I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog http://tfl.nu/oyfd
  Replies (6) Good night (1626) Bad night (612)
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  (619): View more from California

  I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands

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  (619): I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands http://tfl.nu/vlc3
  Replies (4) Good night (1482) Bad night (451)
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  (760): View more from California

  Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs

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  (760): Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs http://tfl.nu/ndm8
  Replies (3) Good night (703) Bad night (296)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.

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  (701): Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich. http://tfl.nu/pg0v
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (223)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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  (732): I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already. http://tfl.nu/laji
  Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (188)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!

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  (+44): Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas! http://tfl.nu/iawo
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (226)

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