just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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