I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
