My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
