I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
