Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
