do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
