She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
