Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
