Pants 0. Shit 1.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
