I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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