So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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