Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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