why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
