I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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