why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
