so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
