She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had sex on a roof
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
