are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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