also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
