I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
