Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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