you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize