I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
