they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
