I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
