What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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