My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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