I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
