He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
