Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
