I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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