Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
